yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
