and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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