I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
