I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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