Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
