I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
