I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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