24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
