accomplished twins. life is a go
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
