So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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