just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
