I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize
