It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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