my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
