News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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