My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
