He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
