That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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