i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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