i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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