thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
