is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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