I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
