Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
