Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
