we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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