Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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