Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
