this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
