and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
