I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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