Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
