his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dick has a subreddit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
