yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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