we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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