i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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