Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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