The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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