he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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