How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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