If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
