just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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