I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
