I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
