Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
