I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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