just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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