Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
