He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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