she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You pole danced in your parka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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