I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
