Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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