the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
