Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
