i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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