I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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