What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
