You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I only lived at night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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