K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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