I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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