Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
